Vicky has tagged me for an unusual Meme.Here are the rules:
- Post these rules.
- Post a photo of yourself and 11 random facts about you.
- Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
- Create 11 new questions and tag new people to answer them.
- Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged.
I’ve posted the rules and here is a photo of myself taken recently with a black pencil on white paper.
And now for eleven (?) eleven … yes … eleven facts about myself.
Well, to start with I am a very private person and rarely say much about myself. So I am caught between a dilemma and a hard place as to how I could continue with the Meme. However, being very obliging, as you know, I shall continue to reveal as best I can but hopefully not too much!
The second fact about myself is that I seldom follow rules. So forgive me if I do so in this Meme. Not following rules has got me in trouble at times. Like the day I was stopped by the police for going too slowly on the highway. I was too tired to take my goldfish for a walk so I took him for a drive instead; so I had to drive slowly so as not to splash water all over the place. He complained afterwards that my slow driving brought tears to his eyes but he was too wet to notice.
When I was fifteen I was shorter than I am now. In fact I was so short people thought I was a navel fancier. So I bought a book entitled “How to make yourself instantly taller.”; and it worked. I stood on the book and I was immediately two inches taller.
I always cry at the cinema, regardless of which movie they are showing. The prices they charge nowadays are criminal. And I hate having to sit in the dark and watch big hairy monsters walking everywhere. And that’s only the usherettes. One of them is thin and tall with long black hair all the way down her back. None on her head … just down her back. She is so intimidating that all I can do in the back seats is watch the movie.
I was once lost on Mount Snowden in Wales when mountaineering. It was getting rather dark and it started to rain. I thought at the time that this was the end of me; and I hadn’t had a shower that day. Can you imagine … dying out there on a mountain and wearing yesterday’s underwear. After hours of shivering in the cold rain and nearing death I heard voices shouting “Victor … Victor … are you out there? It’s the Red Cross!” I had to shout back at the top of my voice so they could hear me “I’ve already donated at the office!” Honestly, why do these people come out to collect money on mountains in such bad weather instead of rescuing lost people like myself?
During a job interview when I was young the telephone rang and the interviewer answered the phone. It was his friend fixing a golf match. He carried on the conversation for ten minutes whilst I waited there. He offered me a job. I turned it down saying “If you care so little about me now; you’ll care less when I work for you!” On another occasion the interviewer asked me to scratch his back because we couldn’t quite reach the itch behind him. On a third occasion I was interviewed by a pretty lady. Unfortunately for her two buttons on her blouse had come undone and she hadn’t noticed. Not one, but two buttons. That interview lasted for ages somehow with me stammering at her every question. She said I was shy because I wouldn’t look her in the eye.
Some years ago when I worked in the City (London) a colleague and I went to visit St Paul’s Cathedral nearby. As we entered, he waved his hand pompously and asked “Do you believe in all this Victor? God and all that?” I replied “Actually … I do!” He remained silent and never raised the subject after that. Somehow his opinion of me changed from that day.
When I was involved in politics years ago, in an open debate with a live audience in a packed hall, the other politician accused me of lacking vision because I wore socks of different color. I explained that I was open-minded. He replied “There’s no point in being so open-minded that your brains fall out!” I quickly gained the advantage by bursting out crying and gained the audience’s sympathy and he was labeled a bully. I didn’t win the election though because even my Electoral Agent refused to vote for me. What hurt most though is that I’d forgotten my reading glasses home and I voted for the other fellow. At a radio interview during the election campaign I was asked by a caller what I wanted for Christmas. I said “A pair of slippers”. The following day the newspapers said “Victor wants a pair of slippers whilst his opponent wants to improve life for the community of this town”.
At a business lunch I surprised my guests by ordering the whole meal in French. It was an Italian restaurant. We had pizza. The waiter asked me whether I wanted mine cut into six or eight slices. I said “Cut it in six … I’m not that hungry to eat eight!” He then gave me a drop of wine to taste before serving everyone. I said “Fill the glass man … do you think I’m a little bird needing just a drop or two?”
When in Houston years ago I lost my shoe whilst rushing to catch a taxi for a meeting. When the taxi dropped me as near to my office as possible I hobbled all the way, which slowed me down no end. Being clever, I just walked on the edge of the sidewalk with one foot in the street and the other on the sidewalk. This solved my walking problem but it took me longer because I had to go round and round in circles following the sidewalk edge around the block until I found my office; which was on the other side of the street. I remember it was very hot that day, at least 45 Degrees Centigrade in the shade. Being clever I stayed away from the shade.
And finally, the eleventh fact about myself. I often get drawn into embarrassing situations, like the interview with the young lady. I try to use these situations in my humourous stories here, but I confess I often do so with trepidation because I do not want to scandalize you or shock you or worse still, lose you as a reader and as a friend. Like for instance the situation which happened to me a few weeks back in the supermarket car park …
And now to answer Vicky’s 11 questions. This is the longest post I’ve ever written. Are you still with me or have you fallen asleep?
1. Do you cut your sandwiches into squares or triangles?
In squares when using cheese triangles. And in triangles when using square ready-sliced cheese.
2. Do you know Beethoven as one of the greatest composers who ever lived or as a
big dog in a rather ordinary children's movie?
He was a deaf composer who asked his wife not to leave him because she was his inspiration. She replied “Me? Your inspiration? Don’t make me laugh . Ha … Haha …Ha!” That’s how the 5th Symphony was composed.
3. What colour is your toothbrush? And, is your toothbrush interchangeable with your spouse's? With their full knowledge and consent?
Red. Not interchangeable or shared with anyone. Just like my whisky.
4. Do you stir your coffee left to right or right to left? And do you ding the top of the cup until the rest of the family starts yelling blue murder?
It depends on the day of the week how I stir my tea and coffee. Wednesdays is clockwise; other days anti-clockwise. I went to the doctor recently and told him that I get a sharp pain in the eye whenever I drink tea and coffee. He told me to take the spoon out of the cup before drinking.
5. Is perspicacious part of your vocabulary? (No, I didn't think so...)
It’s in my dictionary but until now I did not know how to spell it so I couldn’t look up its meaning.
6. Do you ever wear odd socks? And, if so, do you alwaysstart the day by saying you hope you don't die today?
Wearing odd socks is what makes me special. That and my cowboy hat with the feather in it. It guarantees I get a seat on trains and buses. Also lenient penances at confession.
7. What was Donatello before he became a world-famous Ninja turtle?
I’ve known Donatello for years. He owns the pizza restaurant not far from us. I didn’t know he became a Ninja.
8. Does your exercise regime challenge more than your Wii controller muscles?
That’s a very embarrassing question. I’ve gone red in the face and I’m trembling all over. As Elvis would say “I’m all shook up!”
9. What are the names of Donald Duck's nephews?
Roast duck, duck a l’orange and crispy duck!
10. Do you laugh hysterically at your own jokes? At Confession?
I’m always very serious at confession. It’s the priest who’s wetting himself laughing. I can never understand why.
11. And, lastly, for fans of the brilliant Charles Schulz, have you ever had reason to call any of your children 'Pigpen'?
No. Never. But you should hear what I am called!
And now this Meme is open to whoever wants to join in. Please let me know so I can read all about you.
