For my New Year resolution I gave up chocolates altogether. I’ve bought these chocolate patches you stick to your arm to stop you eating chocolates.
Unfortunately with my body heat the chocolate melted into my clothes and made quite a mess. It happened to me on the bus and I started licking my arm. People thought I’d turned into a cat.
An old lady sitting next to me opened a tin of cat food and fed me with a spoon like you do a baby.
It tasted nice.
Normally the New Year is the time for people to make new resolution to better themselves. I've tried many times and always failed. This year I'll go for something easy which I can keep up for more than just a few days. I resolve to sit down more often.
Don't misundesrtand me. I do like hard work. I could sit and watch it all day. I've been told so by the family many times.
Time was when I was more energetic. Every morning I'd do my exercises - UP ... DOWN ... UP ... DOWN ... then the other eyelid ...
Years ago, as a New Year resolution, I decided to enrich the lovely curls on my head by rubbing a new hair-growth cream I saw advertised.
I rubbed the cream on my head. It got absorbed through the skin right into my face and down to my beard which grew by at least one foot overnight. Didn't do much for the hair on top of my head but my beard was suddenly enormous!
Just as well I didn't rub the cream anywhere else. Can you imagine long hair growing elsewhere on my body?
Another New Year resolution involved climbing mountains to keep fit.
I once climbed Mount Snowdon in Wales. I got lost half-way up and luckily met a couple of German tourists walking on their way down. They agreed I could follow them down to safety.
A while later the man went one way and the woman went another way. I thought it would be more prudent (and less dangerous) if I followed the man.
He’d gone behind a rock to relieve himself! When he saw me standing there he said something in German which I did not understand. I thought he'd sneezed and replied: "Bless you!"
The sign which he then made with his free hand could be understood in any language.
I ran away, tripped, fell and hit my head against a rock.
Next thing I remember I was at the foot of Mount Snowden with an ambulance nearby. The German tourist had carried me down. I hope he'd washed his hands!
No more strenuous New Year resolutions for me.
Normally the New Year is the time for people to make new resolution to better themselves. I've tried many times and always failed. This year I'll go for something easy which I can keep up for more than just a few days. I resolve to sit down more often.
Don't misundesrtand me. I do like hard work. I could sit and watch it all day. I've been told so by the family many times.
Time was when I was more energetic. Every morning I'd do my exercises - UP ... DOWN ... UP ... DOWN ... then the other eyelid ...
Years ago, as a New Year resolution, I decided to enrich the lovely curls on my head by rubbing a new hair-growth cream I saw advertised.
I rubbed the cream on my head. It got absorbed through the skin right into my face and down to my beard which grew by at least one foot overnight. Didn't do much for the hair on top of my head but my beard was suddenly enormous!
Just as well I didn't rub the cream anywhere else. Can you imagine long hair growing elsewhere on my body?
Another New Year resolution involved climbing mountains to keep fit.
I once climbed Mount Snowdon in Wales. I got lost half-way up and luckily met a couple of German tourists walking on their way down. They agreed I could follow them down to safety.
A while later the man went one way and the woman went another way. I thought it would be more prudent (and less dangerous) if I followed the man.
He’d gone behind a rock to relieve himself! When he saw me standing there he said something in German which I did not understand. I thought he'd sneezed and replied: "Bless you!"
The sign which he then made with his free hand could be understood in any language.
I ran away, tripped, fell and hit my head against a rock.
Next thing I remember I was at the foot of Mount Snowden with an ambulance nearby. The German tourist had carried me down. I hope he'd washed his hands!
No more strenuous New Year resolutions for me.
