Well ... I am in no way as talented as Vicky but I did give it a try.
So forgive me for my feeble attempt at cartooning ...
Vicky's Challenge
Well ... I am in no way as talented as Vicky but I did give it a try.
So forgive me for my feeble attempt at cartooning ...
Ambitions quashed
Two things I’ve always wanted to do in life are cartooning and playing the guitar. And I failed in both.
No matter how much I try my cartoons just do not translate from what I can see clearly in my head to what is drawn on the paper. Somehow, between whatever straw and cobwebs are collected in my brain and the electro-muscular mechanism in my hand there’s a blockage somewhere that turns my every attempt at drawing into something a small child or Picasso would draw.
As for playing the guitar; that’s no better either.
Some years ago my wife and I took guitar playing lessons at our local college. We were both very enthusiastic and to be fair she progressed much better than I.
From the start, I could see disaster looming from the very first note ever played. There were about a dozen or so “beginners” in our class and the instructor started us on a simple exercise. Hold your fingers tight on these strings and press them against the “frets” and with the other hand run your fingers up and down on the string. Here … near the hole in the guitar.
Everyone managed this well; except me.
My fingers pressed on the frets so hard they almost started bleeding. But my other hand going up and down, up and down, was somehow a few millimeters away from the strings so no sound was coming out. I kept going up and down faster and faster, but speed is not the essence here when you’re too far away from the strings.
The instructor asked me to relax and try again. Slower but nearer … slower but nearer.
I did just that, and this time my fingers got entangled and caught in the guitar strings. TWANG … went the guitar and then everything stopped. My fingers got stuck there as everyone laughed and my wife got embarrassed.
Learning to tune the guitar was no better either.
I just could not differentiate between one note and another. They all sounded the same. You might as well been beating a big drum or have an elephant trumpeting under water it would have sounded the same as my guitar.
The instructor played two notes over and again to get me to appreciate the difference in timbre but they both sounded the same as when I accidentally sit on my cat sleeping in the armchair.
My wife must have thought she married a deaf husband. Although I must admit, like most husbands, I do have selective hearing when it suits.
The next exercise involved using a device called a plectrum or a pick. It’s a small triangular bit of plastic used to pluck the strings of the guitar.
It’s easy to use, according to my instructor. Hold the plectrum with your fingers and pluck the strings one at a time. He showed me how to use it and then asked me to try.
I wish I didn’t … and so did he.
I plucked the string so hard that the small piece of plastic flew out of my hand and hit the instructor in the eye.
What he said next could not be put into music no matter what instrument you use. It was a string of unrepeatable words, none rhyming nor musically melodic, and hardly likely to be ever used in any lyrics I can think of.
He left the room for First Aid treatment and we all decided after a few minutes to give up waiting in the classroom and we went home.
Neither my wife nor I returned to guitar lessons.
I’ve met the instructor in the street a few times since. He smiles and says nothing and walks away in a hurry.
Self portrait
I'm very grateful to Vicky for her kindness and help in drawing this cartoon.
Vicky is a very talented lady and if you wish to enjoy beautiful paintings, drawings and cartoons go over to both her Blogs right now. Click HERE and HERE.
Thank you Vicky.
Keep it under my hat.
The rules in our office are quite clear and strict. We should not bring any pets to work.
Why is it then that some people insist on “bending the rules” when in reality they are outright breaking them and risking severe disciplinary action; if not being fired from the job altogether.
For example someone brought a kitten in one of those carrying cases because the creature was not too well and its owner was on her way to the vet after work. Admittedly, the cat did not leave the carrying case or cage at any time, and was only in the office for a couple of hours, having been collected from home at lunch time. But if the boss had come in I’m sure that person would have been reprimanded or probably lost her job; especially since the boss is allergic to cats.
What if I had a hippopotamus as a pet, or a crocodile? Would it be OK for me to bring them to work on my way to the vet?
You think I’m exaggerating don’t you? Well, I’m not.
Last week someone brought in a chameleon or lizard type creature. I don’t know what it was. All I know is it was about three inches long and it was ugly; even though it was supposed to be a baby of the species.
Apparently some colleagues had been talking about unusual pets a few days earlier and one of them decided to bring this reptile to show the others. The animal was brought to work in a shoe box and taken out to show everyone. It jumped out of the owner’s hand and ran on the large conference table where we were supposed to have a meeting.
Yes … you’ve guessed it. The boss came to the meeting a few minutes earlier than expected.
Everyone panicked and froze … except Joe. He’s a quick thinker and a bit too clever for comfort.
He quickly grabbed my hat from the coat stand … yes, my expensive cowboy type hat with the long feather on the side … I call it a plume, not a feather … more stylish!
Anyway, Joe picked up my hat and as quick as a flash put it on the lizard trapping him underneath.
Everyone kept a straight face … or tried to. I noticed one or two badly concealed smirks and one person was literally going red in the face trying to hold back a guffaw of laughter as well as nature’s release mechanism.
I was furious of course. My expensive hat used as a cage and a subject of subterfuge. Can you imagine that? And it’s silk lined on the inside. I dread to think what that wretched creature is doing under there.
I said nothing of course. I could hardly risk someone else losing their job; even though my precious hat was the real victim here.
I sat at the place nearest to the hat and we all started the meeting.
The boss sat at the far end and did not seem to notice even though once or twice the hat moved on the table all on its own.
This led to the person nearest me to laugh quietly and then stifle a sneeze.
The boss said “Bless you” and for some stupid reason I replied “Thank you!”
Why do I do silly things like that? What possessed me to say “Thank you”?
Luckily the boss did not notice who had sneezed.
At the end of the meeting my boss suggested he and I visit one of our suppliers who is only half a mile away from our office.
I put on my coat and followed him when he said: “Put on your hat … it’s a little cold out there and we’re walking!”
Everyone froze again and fixed their eyes on my hat on the table.
I had to think and act quickly … very difficult when you can’t multi-task!
I picked up the hat in a scooping motion and put it on my head.
You should have seen everyone’s face when they saw nothing on the table where the hat once was. I was proud of myself and my magical sleight of hand.
My quick triumph quickly faded as I felt the lizard grappling tightly at my hair. I kept a straight face and left the room hurriedly after my boss.
On our way there, as we walked down the street, the silly creature tried to escape once or twice by raising my hat off my head. The boss didn’t see it, but a passerby thought I was saluting him by lifting my hat and he did the same with his.
I pushed the hat further down my head so that the brim was almost at eye level. That should trap him solid … I thought.
In response the vindictive reptile started pulling at my hair struggling to get out. The pain was agonizing but I could hardly do anything about it. How could I possibly explain the situation to my boss if he found out what’s under my hat?
He would hardly take me seriously after such an incident.
We walked side by side with him doing most of the talking about some budgetary situation or other and me making un-intelligent noises more as a response to pain than contribution to the discussion. At one point as I grunted he said “Well … I’m glad you agree with this. Perhaps you can go ahead and implement it.” I had no idea what I had agreed to.
As we approached the suppliers’ premises I felt a wet feeling under my hat as no doubt the lizard decided on a new plan of attack in order to get free.
We entered the building and a young lady offered to take my coat and hat. I gave her my coat and decided to crumple my hat and its content quickly into my briefcase.
She noticed my head and hair were wet and I said “It’s been raining …” as I wiped it off with my handkerchief.
Why did I say such a stupid thing? Does it often rain under peoples’ hats where you come from?
After the meeting with the suppliers I left my boss, went to a coffee bar where I rang the reptile’s owner and asked him to meet me there and collect his pet.
I am now looking for a new hat. The silk lining in mine has been torn to shreds.
Everything I own
Vicky suggested in another Blog that this song from Bread has lyrics which could be spiritual.
I checked the lyrics and Vicky is certainly right; so I put together this video.
Have you visited Vicky yet? She's a very talented lady with a wonderful Blog. Go over there sometime and leave her a nice comment. Click HERE.
I checked the lyrics and Vicky is certainly right; so I put together this video.
Have you visited Vicky yet? She's a very talented lady with a wonderful Blog. Go over there sometime and leave her a nice comment. Click HERE.
You sheltered me from harm
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you And...
(Chorus:)
I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give ev'rything I own
Just to have you back again
You taught me how to love
What it's of, what it's of
You never said too much
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Nobody else could ever know
The part of me that can't let go
And...
(Repeat chorus)
Just to touch you once again
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