Love ... Love?
I was reading a letter the other day from a man named Paul to some friends of his in Corinth. Here’s what he says:
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3.
Wow !!! That’s powerful stuff I thought. If we have Faith to move mountains yet have not love it counts for nothing. Even if we give all we own to the poor? I’m not so sure about the burning body bit; but this man is over the top I tell you.
Let’s see what Jesus has to say about this. Better go to the expert, I always say.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39.
What?
Love my neighbour? Even though he continuously parks his car opposite my drive and blocks me going in and out?
Love the guy driving that big van this morning and keeping a distance of just three inches from the back of my car? And hooting his horn time and again even though I was driving within the speed limit. Perhaps he was in a hurry to go to the toilet !
Love that obnoxious pompous boss at work who seems to delight in making everyone suffer?
Is this what Jesus says? And He goes on:
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:27-31.
And there I was thinking that going to Heaven is a matter of ticking the right boxes:
Baptism? Done that. Tick.
Go to church on Sundays? Done that. Tick.
A few more ticks here and there and my passport and visa are ready for me to enter Heaven !!!
On reflection, being a Christian is much more difficult than it seems at first.
"Not everyone who calls me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only those who do what my Father in Heaven wants them to do." Matthew 7:21.
In other words – There are no parrots in Heaven.
Understanding Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians
I entered the house after delivering another load of tents to the local Outdoor Pursuits Shop.
Paul was sitting at the table writing on another pile of parchment papers.
“Hello” I said, “would you like a hot drink?”
“What have you to offer?” he asked without looking up.
“Hot boiled fish water sweetened with honey …” I replied casually.
“The same old brew …” he mumbled in disgust, “when will someone discover coffee, or tea or hot chocolate drink?”
“There’s also hot milk and honey from the Promised Land!” I said encouragingly; but he did not answer.
I asked him what he was writing.
“It’s a letter to the people of Corinth …” he said, “I have to finish it today and send it before postage costs go up yet again …
“They’ve asked me for advice on how to live … just basic advice. I mean … can’t these people think for themselves. Here, have a read” he continued, as he passed me some bits of parchment which smelled like old goat skins.
I read … “Chapter 7 - Verse 1”
For some reason Paul always wrote his letters by numbering every chapter and every verse. I don’t know why he did that. Must be some affectation of some kind I suppose. He wrote:
“A man does well not to marry.”
“Hein?” I thought, “what’s he on about?” I kept on reading what seemed to be rather personal advice to these Corinthian people; albeit good advice I must say, and then again, at Verse 7 he wrote:
“Actually, I would prefer if all of you were single as I am …You single people and widows, it is better if you continue to live alone; just as I do …”
I stopped and looked at him writing there. I wondered why he’d never got married. Perhaps having met my mother-in-law he got frightened out of matrimony altogether.
But his advice made no sense. How can he possibly say a man should not marry, and in fact he’d prefer all of them to remain single and live alone?
I asked him “How would people multiply if they followed your advice?”
“What’s Mathematics to do with it?” he replied without looking up, “they can learn their multiplication tables like every one else!”
“No …” I said hesitantly, “I mean … you know … doing it … having babies …”
“Oh … I gave them a let out clause in Verse 9” Paul continued nonchalantly, “I told them if they can’t control themselves they’d better get married anyway.
“I really can’t understand those people … why can’t they distract themselves by playing card games, or Monopoly or similar board games. The shops are full of them!”
I kept on reading and I must admit I got a bit embarrassed at the personal advice which followed. He meant well, I suppose, and maybe those Corinthians were a little slow on the up-take and needed very detailed advice on how to live as early Christians.
Then at Verse 26 he repeated his opinions again.
“If a man is unmarried he should stay this way. If he is married he should not get rid of his wife!”
“Charming” I thought, “no doubt he’s considered the costs of divorce and alimony when giving this advice.
But then his letter continued:
“Are you unmarried? Then don't look for a wife ... I would rather spare you the everyday troubles that married people will have.”
Well, my mother-in-law certainly has had an influence on him; I thought.
I got out of the house somewhat more confused than those Corinthians will be when they receive this letter.
I was met by my wife and mother-in-law coming home from a shopping trip. Before I had time to welcome them mom-in-law said:
“What are you doing lazing in the sun? Have you no work to do?”
At the Gates of Heaven,
This post has been written especially for MARY who asked me to.
One day I died and went straight to Heaven where I was met by St Peter at the Gates.
“Ah … you’ve arrived!” he said looking at his electronic notepad, “it says here that you claimed to have a sense of humor when alive … let’s test that shall we?
“Tell me a joke … make me laugh and I’ll let you in!”
I was astounded at his attitude on such a solemn occasion; I stumbled to find the right thing to say.
“Ah … not so funny now, are you?” continued the Saint.
“But … ehm …” I mumbled sensing my throat getting drier with nervousness.
“So … what will it be? A funny joke … or will you go straight down without a parachute?” chuckled St Peter through his thick beard.
“You’ve just laughed … a little …” I pointed out sheepishly, but not without a modicum of forlorn hope, “surely that counts as a joke!”
“That’s true …” replied St Peter, “you’ve always been ridiculous to look at anyway … so I’ll let you in.”
I smiled, wiping the cold sweat from my brow.
“Not so fast … not so fast …” said St Peter standing at the doorway blocking my view of who was already there. “I need to check a few things first to see whether you need to spend some time at the Purification Center.”
“Purification Center?” I asked.
“Yes …” he replied with a chuckle, “you Catholics call it Purgatory. It’s like a car- wash to make sure everyone who enters here is cleansed.”
I gulped and waited as he tapped furiously on his electronic notepad. It bleeped once or twice and then he said.
“I see that a few years ago you prayed an indulgence to St Victor; your namesake. I remember he was quite pleased about it at the time. Not many people tend to mention him in prayers and for weeks he went around with a big smile on his face. Normally people pray to the more popular Saints … First Division Saints, you know.
“It works both ways I suppose. It’s nice to get so many prayers and requests; but quite honestly I get so many that I hardly have time to read them all.
“Anyway … for your indulgence to St Victor you get one week off from the Purification Center.”
I smiled silently.
“What’s this I see … you also started another indulgence to some obscure Saint I’ve never met. This place is so large it’s just full of Saints. You can hardly walk a few yards without bumping into one. But I’ve never met this one.”
I tried to remember that particular indulgence but couldn’t.
“That’s a pity …” said St Peter, “you never finished the indulgence. So it doesn’t count. In fact I’ll have to add two extra weeks in the Purification Center.”
I began to despair when the telephone in the little guard-house by Heaven’s Gate rang. He answered it and then said.
“Hmmm … it looks like you have friends in high places here. I’ve been asked to let you in.”
I smiled and moved forwards a few feet; but he blocked my way yet again.
“You’ll have to get changed first.” he said, “Go behind that curtain and put this white gown on … we all wear them here!”
“But …” I hesitated gaining a little confidence, “this looks very much like the gowns they give you in hospital … it is all open at the back!”
“That’s right …” he replied, “it is exactly the same gown. As I said, we all wear them here … just don’t stand too close to a hot radiator, and watch out when you sit on a cold park bench!” then he chuckled very loudly once again.
He saw my hesitation and then continued in a much gentler voice with as serious a face as he could muster.
“We like people to be helpful to each other here in Heaven; it’s not a selfish place you know. When you wear this gown, go around and find someone who is very handy with a thread and needle and ask them to sew it up at the back. That’s what everybody does. Help each other.
“In time, you’ll learn to sew and then you too will be able to help newcomers.
“Also, this gown will teach you humility. You’ll be able to swallow your pride and ask others for help. You’ve always been a bit proud and a little independent … Now’s the time to learn how to rely on other people and to accept their offer of help. Oh … and be grateful too when they help you. Don’t forget to say: Thank you!”
“I will … I will …” I replied timidly.
“Remember” he said, “this gown open at the back will teach you to help one another, will give you humility, make you accept people’s offer of help, and remind you to say Thank you! You’ll also learn how to sew, and of course how not to stand too close to a hot radiator!”
He laughed heartily once again and then said, “So, what will it be? Will you wear the gown or are you going down with no parachute?”
I grasped the gown from his hands and woke up in a cold sweat clutching the bedcovers tightly in my hands.
I must stop having cheese and whisky before bedtime!
God and Logic. Logic and God.
Harry was a practical man. Pragmatic, calculating and very very logical. He always thought things out thoroughly and his conclusions were logical and well worked out.
One day he asked Father Ignatius if he could spare some time for a chat. The always approachable priest took Harry to his office in the Parish House and after a cup of coffee and biscuits he encouraged him to speak.
“It’s something I’ve had on my mind for years Father,” started Harry, “I’ve never actually confessed it at Confession, which might be a sin in itself I suppose, but it still keeps niggling me at the back of my mind. So I’d assume this chat is a Confession in itself.”
The kindly priest smiled and nodded to encourage him to continue.
“Years ago,” Harry said, “someone hurt me very badly. It totally changed my life, and even today, my circumstances and my life are the result of that person’s action towards me.
“That person then moved on to another town far away and we haven’t seen each other since.
“I believe I have forgiven that person. Truly and honestly forgiven them in the sense that I do not seek any retribution, revenge and nor do I bear any ill will whatsoever towards that person. Even though, as I said, my life is still affected by what that person did. I even pray for that person sometimes, would you believe Father!”
The priest smiled and said nothing.
“But I tell you in all honesty Father,” continued Harry, “I hate that person. I don’t wish that person bad as I said, but I don’t like that person at all. I still get angry at times, thinking at what has been done to me. Even though I forgive again deep in my heart I still hate.
“That person never asked for forgiveness. And the likelihood is that the person doesn’t even care for forgiveness.
“Does my private hate negate … wipe away my forgiveness?”
Father Ignatius said nothing for a while; then, cautiously he said.
“When we forgive, our forgiveness should be total. Without any conditions and given in love.”
Harry interrupted.
“Yes I understand that. And strictly speaking Father I have forgiven totally. But how can I possibly love a person who has totally changed my life for the worse; and that of others too?
“My hatred, as I call it … my anger towards that person … is a private hatred and a private anger within me. The person does not know about it and is not harmed by my personal feelings in any way.
“That person has moved on to another life and doesn’t even care about forgiveness.
“How can a personal feeling, which technically speaking does not harm another person, be considered a sin? Surely God can’t accuse me of harming that person?”
Father Ignatius waited a while and then replied, “You say the person does not know nor cares about your forgiveness, and is therefore not harmed by your private thoughts and feelings towards them.
But … is your sin against God perhaps. In that your forgiveness is not total since you hold some hatred back?”
“But Father …” Harry continued, “I have done my utmost best to forgive totally in that I wish that person no ill-will whatsoever.
“I just can’t help disliking, and sometimes hating that person.
“Surely God knows how I am made up as a human. He created me and He gave me all these emotions we humans share.
“Dislike and hatred are such emotions. God knows very well that my hate is borne from anger and perhaps unhealed hurt and a sense of injustice within me. God gave me all these feelings and He can’t possibly blame me for reacting naturally to what’s happened to me.
“If my hatred resulted in harm and revenge towards the other person, then I understand it’s wrong.
“But my private hatred hurts no one. Neither that person, nor any one else, knows about it so how can it possibly hurt them or be a sin?
“If anything, the hatred is hurting me as it burns inside me … but I can’t help it. It’s the way I’m made.”
The priest prayed silently for a few seconds. He understood that the man was still hurting badly and yet, Harry used his impeccable logic to reason that his private feelings were no sin towards man or God.
“Let’s look at it another way” said the priest calmly, “you’re right Harry in saying that your private hatred is not physically or in any other way hurting the other person.
“You’re also right in saying that your hatred is an emotion given to you by your Creator together with all the other emotions we have as human beings.
“But God also gave us the emotion and power to love. In fact Christ told us clearly to love one another; especially our enemies.
“So by hating the other person, however privately, you are denying them your love. You can’t love and hate at the same time.”
“So is it a sin?” Harry interrupted again, “because I can’t help how I feel about this person. No matter how I try. I bear no ill-will as I said, but I just can’t like or love the person as you suggest!”
“I understand …” Father Ignatius said gently, “the world has seen many evil leaders do many evil things over the years. It is not always humanly possible to love them and forgive them as Christ did on the Cross.
“He is God … and we are not.
“But at the very least we should try as best as we possibly can to forgive wholeheartedly, even though, in human terms, our hearts can’t always genuinely love as He commanded.”
Marions-nous ! un sacré chemin, de Claude Hériard
Le 16 février est paru aux Editions de l'Atelier, Marions-nous ! un sacré chemin. 
Un guide pour aider ceux qui s'interrogent sur l'opportunité d'un mariage à l'Eglise. Marions-nous !, écrit à partir d'une longue expérience dans la rencontre de ceux qui se préparent au mariage, permet de poser à deux les bases d'un dialogue à long terme, sur toutes les questions qui touchent à l'engagement :
Comme annoncé dans ce livre, vous trouverez sous ce lien le PDF destiné aux animateurs et accompagnateurs en pastorale du mariage... (une version plus complète (16 pages A4) est disponible sur demande pour les animateurs qualifiés). Ecrire à l'auteur en utilisant le lien en colonne de droite...
Le livre est disponible dans la plupart des librairies religieuses et sur internet, notamment sur le site de commande en ligne de la Procure de Poitiers, sur le site national des CPM (http://www.preparation-mariage.info), à la Fnac et sur Amazon...
- Qu'est-ce que l'amour vrai ?
- Un plaisir partagé ?
- Un choix libre ?
- Construire à deux ?
- Les enfants et nous ?
- Peut-on croire à l'autre ?
- Fidéles, comment, jusqu'ou ?
- Se marier pourquoi ?
- pour la vie ?
- ...
Comme annoncé dans ce livre, vous trouverez sous ce lien le PDF destiné aux animateurs et accompagnateurs en pastorale du mariage... (une version plus complète (16 pages A4) est disponible sur demande pour les animateurs qualifiés). Ecrire à l'auteur en utilisant le lien en colonne de droite...
Le livre est disponible dans la plupart des librairies religieuses et sur internet, notamment sur le site de commande en ligne de la Procure de Poitiers, sur le site national des CPM (http://www.preparation-mariage.info), à la Fnac et sur Amazon...
Le couple et l'argent - Conférences du 45ème congrès FICPM
Vous trouverez sous ce lien, les conférences de notre dernier congrès international FICPM en Croatie, mai 2011 à Malinska (Ile de Krk), sur le thème, "Pour un comportement raisonnable face aux biens matériels au sein du mariage et de la famille".
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